Tuesday, May 21, 2013
The constant stream coming in from my blog, Facebook, and instagram was deafening. I lived in a heightened state.
I wanted to stop. I longed to be still and hear that still small voice speak life to me, to speak truth. I wanted to find my authentic self- that girl that God created me to be, the one he saw before I was even formed in my mother's woom. I felt there had to be more so I closed myself away to listen, to search, to learn, to change.
I started searching out the simple life working to be a pro recycler, planting a garden that could sustain us for a season, working on spending less, and then even less. I took time to listen...
At first it felt slow. I would ask God to teach me to love. I would sit in the silence of 4:45am and ask him to show me who I am and how he sees me. I longed for him to reveal his plan for me. I needed purpose, I longed for more. I no longer wanted to strive or strain, I wanted rest, and peace, and life abundant.
I began to read about Queen Esther and a phrase stuck in my head...
For such a time as this...
I began to ponder.
What if Esther wasn't the only Esther?
What if God placed each of us in the exact position where we are RIGHT NOW for such a time as this....
What if you or I, as one single human, one small light, could be used to start a fire??
A fire that could change our city, or why stop there? Our country??
I mean, really??? Why couldn't it be you??? Why couldn't it be me??
I feel like a tetris game- like there's so much information coming in and each piece is finding it's way into the foundation that God is building in me.
And then everything changed.
I attended a church service for the addicted, the alcoholic, the broken.
Gone were the fancy clothes, the clever retorts, the polished smiles.
Here were real people, broken, and searching for a savior.
The man on the right of me, shaking so badly that he could not hold his plate still.
And God spoke.
And I could see it!
The blinders were lifted.
This IS church down to it's simplest form and I thought to myself.
"This is where I belong."
And God said to me, "let them see your messy."
You don't have to be perfect.
You're probably going to get it wrong.
But just LOVE.
Open your home.
Open your lives.
The white couch, the polished floors....
Stuff is just stuff
But this is life!
This is abundance!
This is love!
This is what hospitality is all about!
This is what I died for!
Get ready to get dirty.