Saturday, October 6, 2012
Last night I had one of my dearest friends over for supper. She recently graduated with her masters degree in teaching. She's lived in a couple of different states over the last five years and recently moved back to my home town. (yay!) This last summer she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl- her first. Here she is, my go getter friend with a master's degree and right now what she wants to talk about is how hard it was just to get out of the house with her little one. Do you remember those days? Maybe you're there right now. For me that time of newborns, babies, and toddlers was quite difficult. My husband was constantly away out of town and often I felt like I was raising two little girls by myself. I remember feeling discouraged that the biggest thing I had to do in a day was to clean the bathroom. I had lost myself to this person called, "mom".
As my girls got older and began to go to school or preschool I would start to have a little bit of free time but I didn't know how to fill it except for to walk the isles of the grocery store all by myself without my daughters asking for every item that contains loads of sugar. At that time just that small task alone felt like a slice of heaven.
Then one day I found myself without direction. I have this little brother and sister in law that are real go getters. They run after their dreams with mad passion. My sister in law entered a competition where she designed some carpet and came in THIRD in the entire nation and my brother has designed for all kinds of big names like Obey and Diamond Back. They're not afraid to try things. They're willing to be told "no!" If that happens they just try again in another direction but they never give up. I find them to be so inspiring! There is something to be said about watching people live with passion.
Back to finding myself without direction....
I was sitting in their living room and my sister in law asked me what I enjoyed doing and I honestly had no idea! All I knew were the roles of wife and mother. I don't think I really even enjoyed many friendships at that time. Well Ashlie (my sister in law) encouraged me to just start trying all sorts of different things and soon I'd fine things that started to stick. I tried art classes and that is not my thing. I can NOT make a beautiful piece of art. not. at. all. I tried a temporary job for a little bit and that didn't work at all with my kid's schedules and a traveling husband. I began running and found that I enjoyed that.
And then I found food.
I found myself obsessed with food blogs. I would stumble onto photos that made food look just as beautiful as any flower. I started trying new recipes and working with new flavors. Recently I made a stew that had fresh pumpkin in it. Three years ago I would've never had the courage to try it. I would've considered it to "fancy" or "hard".
I almost did not return to school this year. It's really expensive and there can be this little voice inside my head that whispers to me that "I'm not good enough" all day long. Out of discouragement I thought I might quit. Funny thing, I have this dad that would say, "we are not quitters!" as I was growing up and that voice was beginning to drown out the "I'm not good enough" voice. Plus I had my mom and husband really pushing me to return.
On the first day of school my professor left me completely inspired. He said that photography is art and art comes from your heart. We were instructed to only shoot for ourselves and not care whether anyone likes our work or not. That true artists just pour themselves into their work. Well I don't know what happened but something has clicked inside of me and I'm like a person obsessed. If my beets are ready to be picked, well just hold be back while I shoot them from every angle possible. I really feel like the last couple of posts are true to me. It's like I lose myself to the process and just enjoy.
I've never had a passion for anything before other than the obvious, my family, God, etc. I eat, sleep, read about, cook, and photograph food. I'm crazy for it. It's so exciting to be free to pursue my passion. I watch Anthony Bordain on television and get so pumped up about his food travels I'm unable to sleep. I LOVE the whole idea of seasonal eating, shopping at local markets, and going as organic as you can afford.
I truly could go on.. and on.. and on.. but really this is getting long enough already. :)
I will leave you with this. If you find yourself lost and without direction as to what might make your hear sing why don't you consider trying something new. Maybe gardening is your thing, or tennis, or piano lessons. I don't know. But I do think passion can come from anywhere and that it's something special that God has placed inside each of us. Obviously it's first meant to make us crazy in love with him but I also think he enjoys seeing us bloom and take those thoughts "that you're not good enough or talented enough" captive and just enjoy the gifts that he's placed inside of us. Don't do it for anyone else! Just do it for Him and enjoy it for you!