Tuesday, September 25, 2012

an epiphany

Hi there! My name is Lissa and I used to blog. ;)

I want to thank those of you that have checked in with me. I so appreciate the kind gesture and I want you all to know that I am absolutely ok! We had a crazy, busy summer, then went on a wonderful vacation to Disneyland where I got to check off the Disneyland half marathon from my bucket list. After that we started a messy remodel and just pushed ourselves to death in order to prepare our home for the arrival of our guests Becky and Tracy. This morning I'm so grateful for an empty schedule and at 10:15 I am still in my pajamas with really wigged out hair.

I sort of had an epiphany this morning.

This story starts with the uglies that are me.

I am SO COMPLETELY blessed with the amazing friendships that I've found in Becky, Tracy, and Kimberly- all of which I found through blogging, amazing as that sounds. I had a marvelous weekend filled with laughter, love, and friendship. But... here's the uglies.... I went to bed every night with a burden of guilt piling on my head and then would wake up in the morning under a cloud of condemnation. I want you to understand, I'm not talking about conviction here, I'm talking about condemnation. That heavy, ugly burden that piles up on top of you, reminds you of your mistakes, and makes you worry. Worry about what people think, worry about every single thing you've said, was something taken the wrong way, or I shouldn't have said this or that... etc, all of those thoughts that prey on your insecurities. And it's absolutely true. I unfortunately know that I said things this weekend that are not pleasing to the Lord.

It all boils down to this.

It scares me to death for people to see that I'm not perfect.

There, I said it, it's out there. I get scared that in my imperfection no one will want to know Jesus. Then it grows and I worry about how I affect everyone in my life. I'm mouthy. I accidentally dropped the F bomb in front of Becky. And you know what? I'm pretty much guaranteed that I will lose a follower or two or five because I just admitted that I dropped the bomb! But I don't care anymore because this is what I realized this morning.


He doesn't need me to be perfect for others to be attracted to him and maybe, just maybe he's big enough to use my imperfections for his glory. Maybe others will see that they don't have to be perfect either but they can still be saved. And the truth is, if we were perfect then we wouldn't need a savior. The cross would be irrelevant. It's pretty heartbreaking to think that it's my sin that put him there. We want to think it's the murderers or the thiefs or the rapists but it's all of us.


yet he love ME

Jesus, in his perfection, thinks that mouthy Lissa is pretty neat-o.

So sitting here with messy hair and mickey mouse pajamas I feel the healing balm that only he can provide pouring over me and renewing me for another day.

I'm forgiven.

I'm clean.

I'm imperfect.

And that's okay.

And really, real friendship knows you're not perfect and they love you anyways.

(I'm smiling)

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  1. This might be your best post yet! You are real!! Thanks for sharing your heart girl. You will probably gain more followers by your honesty. We are all a mess half the time. Join the club!

  2. Ahhh...that is the breath of fresh air after reading your post. I have struggled with the exact same thing. I sometimes let my mouth lose and then worry and beat myself up for what people must think for what I said. God's grace is amazing...and enough. Thank you for sharing, Lissa!

  3. Whew, I'm relieved to find out I'm not the only christian woman out there who has ever dropped the F bomb (smiling). I am starting a new bible class, in a new church, in a new town (and state) tomorrow. Something that brings out all my insecurities and yes, I too have been known to go over every word I say at night and worry about it. This is a GREAT post to remind me about the freedom Christ brings and to focus really hard on his love! Thank you! I will be asking Jesus to help me let go of all that other garbage and just let me bask in time in His word with my sisters in Christ! Blessings to you sweet Lissa!!

  4. Oh, we love you alright. Moreso after this wonderful weekend and your generosity including me in "tourist day in Seattle". What a gift that was.

  5. Funny, I was thinking of you earlier & wondering where and how you were. I don't think you need to worry about losing a follower because you dropped the f bomb. Obviously, those people are too judgmental to be around us humans. However, your honesty made me a bigger fan. Made me feel like the world is full of imperfect souls like us who still try pretty dang hard and are grateful that the one that matters most still loves us!

  6. hi. i'm tracy, and I'm imperfect too.

    and after 3 months of not being inspired to blog post...you completely inspired me.

    i love you BECAUSE you're not perfect.


  7. you wont loose me - i say the F word way more than I probably should and I like to drink wine with dinner and go out for happy with friends. I don't think any of those things change who we are. I have believed in God all my life and love Jesus beyond belief! Until we feel convicted about our choices nobody else should judge us - I hope this is coming across right! In the end its between us and Him!

    I have read your blog for a long time but usually don't comment - I love trying your recipes and find you sincere and refreshing!

    Thank you for your honestly - you are lovely!


  8. I love this. It's imperfectly PERFECT in every single way.
    Jesus is the only one that is perfect. Relief, because this blog is so me.

    You know what? Myself and everyone near you would say that we love you just the way you are my silly, beautiful inside and out friend. Mean it!

    Love ya and hugs!

  9. His Grace, its wonderful to be loved by Jesus. thanks for being real.
    Blessings, Kristina

  10. His Grace, It's wonderful to be loved by him. Thanks for being real!!!

  11. i.love.you.dear girl!! i cannot begin to tell you what an inspiration you are, i think of you and becky often, how strong you are in your faith. i say the f bomb way more that i should {herding cows will do that to a girl} :0) i'm super shy so i am always saying the wrong things...it is so devastating. you amaze me.


  12. I was just thinking of you last week when I ran across your blog title in my reader and was hoping that all was well and nothing had happened to you or your family. I love reading your honesty and so happy that you are okay. Happy Fall...

  13. About the self condemnation, I'm right there with you. I work at a local beer distributor, and everyone there has a foul mouth. When I started working there I was teased mercilessly because I didn't curse. But soon I was dropping the F bomb all the time, and I go home with a huge weight on my shoulders. Fortunately I believe that no matter what we do, nothing can separate us from God's love.

    And for those who might leave because of your admission, well I'm sure they are sinners too. You know the saying 'People who live in glass houses....etc'.

    Your honesty is a breath of fresh air.

  14. So glad to know you are human...and absolutely adorable! I dropped the f bomb to a colleague today...and she still loves me too ;) We love you Lissa...whether we are looking at your perfect home...or not....great hair, or like you combed your hair with a leg o' the chair(my dad's line)....love is unconditional...goes way below the surface...those of us who have been here a while know and have been inspired by your heart and soul, not "perfection". Thanks for making me feel like it's ok to be me.

  15. Sweet Lissa, I think you will be amazed at how much freedom you find as you walk more and more in this. I have friends who are perfectionists in the way you describe...and they always hold others at arm's length, because to let anyone too close would be to risk revealing their imperfection. It makes me sad because I would love to be good friends, but it feels like they will always shut me out to save their image. Or maybe I am not perfect enough for them. ;) Thank you for your honesty. It makes you that much more endearing...:)

  16. Love this post. What a great way to return...embracing your imperfection. I just picked my youngest daughter up from school and she was ready to cry a bucket of tears. Why? Because she tried so hard to be perfect for her new teacher in a new school in this new town, yet today, her teacher saw she wasn't perfect...that she said something unkind to a classmate. She was so distraught that she had ruined her perfect streak. Sweet girl. Like you, she tried hard to show her best to others. I do the same. But there is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Amen? I have a feeling if I ever got to meet you in person that I'd love your imperfection! xoxo!

  17. amen sister!!!
    so loved following all of ya'll on instagram & celebrating the bond of friendship through the unlikely world of blogging! love it

    & ps
    i was just thinking...today...am i subscribed to lissa? i feel like i haven't a seen a blog post in forever...& then ta-da, you post :)

  18. Hi my name is Siobhan and I am not perfect, if you lose a follower because you showed your human than they my friend have an issue with perfection and have no grace. You my sweet friend need to have grace for yourself. You were so beautifully and wonderfully made and you make our savior proud. Thankyou for being vulnerable with us.

  19. Oh I love this post sooooo much. Love the true, real you...flaws and all. And you know none of us have it all together either...no not one. Even if the F word isn't our vice, other things are...just sayin';)

  20. sweet lissa you are not alone. we all have our struggles girl. thankfully our Lord and Savior is there to pick us up and get us back on track. true friends know our hearts and our imperfections. no worries. give it to our forgiving God. hugs:)

  21. Lissa,so happy you're back at the old keyboard, like you said he is the only perfect one everyday, you are not alone I use that word as well it's just has more exclamation in it then say darn or dang. I'm sure a lot of your readers come back because you're not perfect your real and everyday people who found a passion and graciously shares we us.
    Happy day's!

  22. I don't think any of us are perfect Lissa and I absolutely love this post. Bravo for the fun filled jam packed summer you had. I am green with jealousy that you get to spend time with Kim because you are so close in proximity and love that Becky was out there for an entire week! Blog land was pretty quiet this summer as we all had some living to do! Glad to see you here ~ I have missed you. xo

  23. Wonderfully put! Thank you for your honesty and transparency. I gleaned from your post. We all fall short but we have Jesus, which so many others don't know what that is like.

  24. We are human. We are not perfect. Jesus knows that and He forgives us. Thank you for being so honest. As Jesus forgives us we need to forgive ourselves. Your light always shines. Much love!

  25. Lissa...I have followed your blog off and on for years.. back in the ole Humble Pie day's...and let me tell you after reading this post - - it's SO nice to meet you, the real, imperfect YOU! This has been your best post ever!! Keep it up girlie...imperfection, there's freedom in the sound of that!! xoxo

  26. I just found this blog the other day and signed up to have the posts go to my email. When I came across this page, I thought to myself that this is a cool blog and I didn't want to miss anything. I was so excited to get the email with this post. I opened it up and read it and the whole time I am thinking that you are writing my thoughts. I thought I was the only one who struggled with thoughts of insecurity, analyze everything I say and worry about what people think of me. I NEEDED THIS POST!! Your honesty is so refreshing. I know it took courage to put it out there and admit the imperfections that we all have. Thank you for the reminder that Jesus loves us no matter what. I don't think you admitting to using the F bomb is going to lose you followers. I think it is going to do the opposite and have people flocking to this blog. Thank you for this amazing post. God Bless you!

  27. Amen and amen! Thanks for the reminder that Christ uses us DESPITE our imperfections. Plus, for me, you're more relatable that way as we all have our struggles. I'm sure that all of us have missed your posts!

  28. Love you, and love your honest heart.
    We all struggle with our imperfections and its a comfort knowing we are not the only ones.
    Bless you sweet girl!
    Wrapping a warm hug around your shoulder right now!
    You and Becky look so happy to be together...how wonderful that you were able to spend some girl time together! \o/

    Deborah xoxoox

  29. Welcome back! I missed you. What a lovely, raw and honest post. I LOVE it! And, it is a lovely reminder because I, too, don't want people to see my imperfections. Yet, there they are - out there for all to see.

    Thank you for being such a blessing.

  30. Always love your honestly - I think it makes you more of a leader or someone to help others find Christ as it makes you normal and human.

  31. Lissa,It's OK. Don't spend one more minute on the "F"bomb. If you loose a few ah well. Sometimes I sound like a truck driver,then realize it wasn't good and move on. Let it go.If some readers are so appalled let them leave.Shame on them. Go girl. Your a princess in his book.

  32. I'm a new reader to your blog and I so appreciate this post on my hot mess of a day. Thanks for sharing your realness :)

  33. He is so awesome, that He loves us inspite of our imperfections. Awesome post, thanks for sharing!

  34. Love this post, and am so happy to hear I am not the only one who feels condemnation. :) Jesus took this potty mouth sailor girl and cleaned her up but I am far from being polished bright; as those bombs still drop every now and then...

  35. Beautiful post in many ways! You mean you are human? Darn it! :)

  36. Well, I hope you know what you mean to me...you were used mightily in my life a ways back, and I will never forget that. I have loved reading your blog for a long time (here and the other one). Never stop being you, and becoming the you that He is molding.
    I agree with so many other ladies here...your honesty is wonderful. The real you is the only you that we would want to know. :)

  37. I say often..If humans were perfect, we wouldn't need Jesus!

    ...and how I need HIM...over and over .

    Be blessed and be a blessing.

    and I too enjoy following you on instagram...

  38. Wait where is the follow button????

    Thanks for sharing, I struggle with same. Trying to be perfect and keep it all together. When really it's ok not be.


  39. Oh my goodness girl....so very true. Just checking in after a long bloggy break myself. Realizing I'm not perfect, the house isn't perfect, my relationships aren't perfect...it's all ok....and I need to be more real on my blog...
    You have some awesome friends to spend time with!

  40. Oh girly... welcome back. And welcome to the club. LOL

    I'm glad you guys all had so much fun together for those days... made me wish I lived closer.

  41. Well from one mouthy gal to the other I guess it's good when we realize we aren't perfect because then we remember why we need Him so much! Love you and your blog and I'm so glad you're back. I missed you and your gorgeous pictures and your home inspirations. You are Neat-O ;)

  42. So glad to see you back Lissa! I can only imagine how boring our world would be if we were all perfect. Your honesty and message is refreshing!

  43. whew~
    I'm mouthy, too. Glad I'm not alone. :)
    I used to be able to "fake it" with people so much more than I can now. I have found that the longer I know Jesus, the harder it is for me to pretend anything. He has broken down my ability to fake perfection, and I'd never go back. :)

    thanks for keeping it real.

  44. I have been reading you blog for a few years now and I have been very blessed by your openness and honesty. You are right none of us are perfect and in need of a Savior-that is why he came to die for the unrighteous not the righteous. I look so forward to reading your blog and missed it while you were gone. When we can be honest about ourselves there is such freedom in that. Beautiful friendship can take place as well. Thank you for all your writings. Kathy Johnson

  45. Oh, Lissa :-) Amen.
    I cried as I read through your post.
    I have/am a very "messy" beloved child of Christ...and I know He is just so stinking crazy in love with me and my messy, messy self. I have NEVER been, or will be anything close to being "perfect", but, I still know what you are saying with those nasty, lies from the pit of hell of guilt, shame and condemnation... They tell, me my kids, spouse, neighbors, church, family and friends "know" I am a pseudo Christian and Christ is so ashamed to call me his child when I don't act "right"...hmmm
    As I learn more of His love and grace, I am able to receive it and extend it to those I am around. It grieves me to see precious souls "trying" to be/do what Christ already did/does.
    In my messiness, I have meet and experienced incredible healing, grace and love from other messy, beloved, precious souls...I guess you could say we have embraced ourselves and are ok with who/what we are.
    Many blessing you and yours. Take good care of your precious self :-)
    Kim ~ a long time reader of your blog but to ashamed to comment!!!!until now!!!! Ha-ha :-)

  46. I think you are just the cutest! You have been a source of inspiration in the past and I could totally use you now! :)

  47. Glad I'm not the only one that thinks this way! Insecurities get the best of everyone, even Christian people. I want to say a resounding yes and amen and thank the Lord for grace, forgiveness, love, and I can go on and on. He is our friend no matter what and just know you have friends out there that love you just the way you are and encourage you in your faith. God bless and thanks for being REAL. Hugs and blessings, Angela

  48. What???? You're not perfect? I have been reading your blog since the humble pie days (miss your beautiful home decor pics) and feel like I know you and your family. You have always been honest and real and that's why so many read your blog, you expose your heart and soul and you touch many lives because of it. Thanks for being real and honest. Jeni

  49. As always, you are at your best when you are completely "yourself". You are the sweetest, Lissa! I, too, struggle with the "perfect" thing, only to remember again and again that there is One who is perfect -- and it's NOT me!

    So glad to see you posting again!

    Amy in CA

  50. If you lost a reader for admiting you're not a perfect Christian ...I just cancelled her out b/c you've gained one with me!
    Love your m&m gluten free cookie recipe...I have celiac and every cookie recipe I try is dry dry dry. My kids and I thank you for a giving us a MOIST GF cookie!

    1. I'm so happy you like them! Thank you!

  51. I had deleted your blog but now I think I'll add it back. :) As far as the f word...uh, did you go to a ballgame? =/ I may not ever let the f word slip from my lips because I just really haven't ever been around people who say it much or watch movies, etc. But I certainly have thought it or other things. I went to a ballgame yesterday and was around plenty of cursing and I tried to just ignore it but I just couldn't help but think about the verse that says "let no unwholesome speech come out of your mouth" or something like that. ;) I was talking to God right there in the middle of the game and just kept thinking about the word "unwholesome." I know God loves us no matter what we do but I know I don't want to displease God or be a bad witness so I am going to try to do better about any unwholesome speech or course talk. I am guilty!!! You are a beautiful person inside and I think everyone knows it and God is still working on you and me and everyone!! thanks for your honesty today!! Sorry to have written so much. I think I was writing to myself. ;)

  52. Preach it sista...thanks for your transparency ::: You are a lovely soul, imperfections and all! XoXo*S

  53. I am reading an awesome book called "Grace for the Good Girl." It is right on topic with this post! It has brought me so much peace, and I think you would enjoy it too! I love your gluten-free recipes! Thank you for making food appealing!