Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Hi there! My name is Lissa and I used to blog. ;)
I want to thank those of you that have checked in with me. I so appreciate the kind gesture and I want you all to know that I am absolutely ok! We had a crazy, busy summer, then went on a wonderful vacation to Disneyland where I got to check off the Disneyland half marathon from my bucket list. After that we started a messy remodel and just pushed ourselves to death in order to prepare our home for the arrival of our guests Becky and Tracy. This morning I'm so grateful for an empty schedule and at 10:15 I am still in my pajamas with really wigged out hair.
I sort of had an epiphany this morning.
This story starts with the uglies that are me.
I am SO COMPLETELY blessed with the amazing friendships that I've found in Becky, Tracy, and Kimberly- all of which I found through blogging, amazing as that sounds. I had a marvelous weekend filled with laughter, love, and friendship. But... here's the uglies.... I went to bed every night with a burden of guilt piling on my head and then would wake up in the morning under a cloud of condemnation. I want you to understand, I'm not talking about conviction here, I'm talking about condemnation. That heavy, ugly burden that piles up on top of you, reminds you of your mistakes, and makes you worry. Worry about what people think, worry about every single thing you've said, was something taken the wrong way, or I shouldn't have said this or that... etc, all of those thoughts that prey on your insecurities. And it's absolutely true. I unfortunately know that I said things this weekend that are not pleasing to the Lord.
It all boils down to this.
It scares me to death for people to see that I'm not perfect.
There, I said it, it's out there. I get scared that in my imperfection no one will want to know Jesus. Then it grows and I worry about how I affect everyone in my life. I'm mouthy. I accidentally dropped the F bomb in front of Becky. And you know what? I'm pretty much guaranteed that I will lose a follower or two or five because I just admitted that I dropped the bomb! But I don't care anymore because this is what I realized this morning.
JESUS IS THE ONLY ONE THAT IS PERFECT!!!
He doesn't need me to be perfect for others to be attracted to him and maybe, just maybe he's big enough to use my imperfections for his glory. Maybe others will see that they don't have to be perfect either but they can still be saved. And the truth is, if we were perfect then we wouldn't need a savior. The cross would be irrelevant. It's pretty heartbreaking to think that it's my sin that put him there. We want to think it's the murderers or the thiefs or the rapists but it's all of us.
YET HE LOVES US.
yet he love ME
Jesus, in his perfection, thinks that mouthy Lissa is pretty neat-o.
So sitting here with messy hair and mickey mouse pajamas I feel the healing balm that only he can provide pouring over me and renewing me for another day.
And that's okay.
And really, real friendship knows you're not perfect and they love you anyways.