Thursday, October 13, 2011
well I can't sleep at all so I guess I'm supposed to tell ya this.
I'm the happiest girl in the world! And I truly think that I just might be! I'm so free! So truly and deeply free and it's the most amazing feeling in the world! Today I was chatting with a very dear friend. We were remembering EIGHT years ago when I was so broken, so filled with fear, unable to move because my insecurities kept me in utter bondage. I WILL NEVER GO BACK THERE AGAIN! My insecurities started back in junior high. Because of celiac I was an incredibly late bloomer and people just aren't nice to you if you don't look like everyone else. There was one boy in particular was so mean to me. Lots of disappointments in life held me in a deep bondage to insecurity. Over time that insecurity opened me up to full fledged fear. I was so fearful of getting hurt all the time. I worked harder and harder at trying to maintain a perfect image so that no one would have anything negative to say about me while at the same time holding people at an arm's length to keep them from getting into the real me. That was such a HEAVY burden. At that time I may have written, "I'm the most miserable girl in the world" and it went on for years. I tell you this so that you know that I TOTALLY GET IT!! Girl- have I been there! Been there, done that, wrote the book on what not to do!
I remember THREE years back when I finally decided, "enough's enough!" and I turned to God! I was so broken and so willing to do whatever it took for me to lose those chains of bondage. OH MY WORD GIRLS! It's the ABSOLUTE HARDEST thing I've ever done in my life! Do you know what it takes to find freedom? You have to drop ALL of your pride, ALL of YOUR answers, and give up ALL of your rights and JUST OBEY. There really is nothing else. You just lay your life wide open in front of the Father and allow him to fillet you! AND YOU JUST HAVE TO DO IT!!! Because someone is lying to you. Someone is telling you that freedom can't come for you and THAT'S A TOTAL LIE! Because here I am!!! Living proof that Jesus died so that you can be FREE! And you know what?? Freedom is the BEST feeling in the whole world! And I'll tell you something else. My husband and I have been to hell and back in our marriage. Divorce was an option. We were utterly and completely broken. But there was something inside me that just KNEW that God could fix it, that he could fix me. I can't explain it. I just knew with everything that was in me. I wrote this letter at the lowest point of my life ending it with "one day I know this will totally be worth it." And you know what? It totally was! I think that every girl on the planet would go through every painful thing I've been through to have her husband look at her the way mine looks at me.
Don't ever, EVER doubt that God can't handle your situation. That he can't or won't turn it around! He IS the answer you're looking for! Do everything he asks of you. Just do it! Because God honors obedience!
Be a warrior! Take your life back!! Why is your shield lying at your feet when you are in a war! Pick it up! You're fighting for your freedom!
1 Peter 4:19 The Message
So if you find life difficult because you're doing what God said, take it in stride. Trust Him. He knows what he's doing, and he'll keep on doing it. :)